


Hi Horny, I’m Patrick

by Januarium



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Discussions of:, Face-Fucking, M/M, Rimming, Sexting, idk this is alternately domestic af and really deeply explicit, rides to the airport, trolling as a love language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Januarium/pseuds/Januarium
Summary: David:I’m hornyPatrick:Hi Horny, I’m Patrick 👋David:I take it backPatrick:Rude. I thought that was a very sexy response.—David and Patrick have a text chat while David is away.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 56
Kudos: 312





	Hi Horny, I’m Patrick

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from? Has been fully written and posted on my phone so sorry for any mistakes.

**iMessage:** Patrick  
  
**Today** 10:37 PM  
**David:** I’m horny  
  
**Patrick:** Hi Horny, I’m Patrick 👋  
  
**David:** I take it back  
  
**Patrick:** Rude. I thought that was a very sexy response.  
  
**David:**...  
  
**Patrick:** What?  
  
**David:** Patrick.  
  
**Patrick:** Yes, Horny?  
  
**David:** I was gonna send you such sexy messages. You were going to be begging for me.  
  
**Patrick:** Like what?  
  
**David:** Oh no no you aren’t going to make me fall for this one  
  
**Patrick:** Fall for what one?  
  
**David:** You want examples of my sexy messages because that is just me sending you sexy messages  
  
**David:** sexy messages is really not a sexy phrase ugh  
  
**Patrick:** I’m not sure I’m that devious, you must have me mixed up with someone else. And I think sexy messages is a totally sexy phrase  
  
**Patrick:** But you could send me an example of an arousing missive instead  
  
**Patrick:** A lascivious communique  
  
**Patrick:** A tittalating telegram  
  
**Patrick:**... David?  
  
**David:** Oh are we acknowledging my name now?   
  
**Patrick:** Maybe. Are you jerking off?  
  
**David:** To all the inspiring content you’re sending me, you mean?  
  
**Patrick:** Exactly.  
  
**David:** I’m more jerking off in spite of it  
  
**Patrick:** Ooh that’s hot, love when you resentfully touch yourself for me  
  
**David:** You’re an asshole  
  
**Patrick:** Your asshole  
  
**Patrick:** Speaking of which, you should finger yourself  
  
**David:** I am attempting to get myself off on my sister’s couch I have no lube and also how would I hold my phone  
  
**Patrick:** So you acknowledge the phone is contributing to the effort  
  
**David:** Just talk me off plz  
  
**Patrick:** What if I told you that I’m lying in our big bed all alone and naked  
  
**David:** Go on  
  
**Patrick:** I’ve been thinking about you all day  
  
**David:** Thinking about what  
  
**David:** If you make a joke now I swear I’ll end you  
  
**Patrick:** How dare you suggest I’d joke at a time like this!  
  
**Patrick:** I was thinking about choking on your cock.  
  
**David:** Fuck  
  
**Patrick:** Love when you just can’t help it, make my eyes water and cut off my air  
  
**Patrick:** Was working at the store and whenever I missed you I just thought about how hard you’re gonna duck my face when you get home  
  
**Patrick:** FUCK f u c k my face that wasn’t a joke sorry  
  
**David:** idc just keep going  
  
**Patrick:** It’s good I’m not the one meeting you at the airport because I don’t think I could make it out of arrivals without getting on my knees for you  
  
**David:** Wait who is meeting me at the airport  
  
**Patrick:** Stevie, I emailed you, she lost that bet about who would quit Bob’s cover band first  
  
**David:** Who the fuck uses email  
  
**David:** And isn’t my husband supposed to want to meet me at the airport  
  
**Patrick:** As I just explained, I would but it was just be too sexy an experience for me  
  
**David:** I wish this was a sexy experience for me  
  
**Patrick:** You’re the one who got sidetracked this time!  
  
**David:** I just want to come so I can sleep get on with it  
  
**Patrick:** Didn’t this start with you promising you were gonna send me sexy messages?  
  
**David:** Yes but you ruined it so now your punishment is you have to send me the sexy messages  
  
**Patrick:** That seems fair  
  
**Patrick:** It’s been too long since you sat on my face. Want to have you right there, spend hours eating you out  
  
**David:** Yes plz  
  
**Patrick:** Get my hands on those gorgeous asscheeks and spread them so I can get deep, lick your hole until you’re panting  
  
**Patrick:** Wouldn’t let you touch your dick so you have just feel it, me working you with my mouth  
  
**Patrick:** Get you so wet and open that I can get a finger in with my tongue, won’t even need lube your ass will be so hungry for it.   
  
**Patrick:** I just want to live there, where you’re everything I can see and taste and touch  
  
**David:** That was super hot  
  
**Patrick:** Wait did you come?  
  
**David:** Yup! Great job.  
  
**Patrick:** But I wasn’t done yet.  
  
**David:** Mm but I’m sleepy now.  
  
**Patrick:** Ugh fine I’ll just finish jerking off by myself  
  
**David:** That’s the spirit. Love you!  
  
**Patrick:** Love you, too.  
  
**David:** Goodnight, Patrick  
  
**Patrick:** Goodnight, Horny  
  
**David:** 🖕  
  
**Patrick:** 🥰  
  



End file.
